


Enjoy the Silence

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Ficlet, Hurt, Introspection, Just Sex, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 19:34:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14775893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: Yuri knew.In the end, maybe, he had always known.He knew what it meant when Yabu came knocking on his door, he knew that every single time he was going to give him what he wanted, he knew how it was going to end, and the elder knew as well.





	Enjoy the Silence

Yuri knew.

In the end, maybe, he had always known.

He knew what it meant when Yabu came knocking on his door, he knew that every single time he was going to give him what he wanted, he knew how it was going to end, and the elder knew as well.

He felt sordid, but it was a feeling he always tried to keep out of the walls of his apartment, to let it hit once he was alone, so that he wasn’t going to feel sick during each moment he spent with him, trying to convince himself of the fact that, after all, he was fine just like this.

He let Yabu take him, making as he pleased with his body, because after all he liked it too, for those moments spent together, because he had never been promised anything more than this.

He didn’t feel violated, he didn’t feel disappointed.

He hadn't felt much in a while, now. Because in that madness, that reality spinning in ways he would've never imagined, he had gotten used to the pain of being used, of always seeing him leave, of getting nothing from him, nor a gesture nor a word to make him feel better, to make him believe that one day there could be something between them.

That night, like many others, Yuri heard the doorbell ringing and he went to the door, and he smiled to Kota, as if he was completely happy to see him.

He let the elder push him against a wall, his back facing him, and he was almost grateful to him for that while he prepared him quickly and thrust inside of him, brutally; he was grateful, because if he wanted he could turn his face to the wall and cry all his tears without Kota seeing them. Not that he cared.

But Yuri didn’t cry this time either.

He had too much to hold, and he had given up finding an outlet for all the pain Kota inflicted upon him, even though involuntarily. He was bound to silence, to the way he kept quiet about how he felt, because he knew it was never going to make a difference.

He felt him coming inside and closed his eyes, savouring the moment each time as if it was the last, trying to hold on to it, to use it when Yabu wasn’t going to be there.

He felt him collapse against him, and then wait too little to pull away, getting dressed and smiling to him as if nothing had happened.

And then leave, as he always did, unaware of what he left behind, because what Yuri thought didn’t matter, because he had allowed him to play with his body, so there were no more questions he needed to ask.

He didn’t need to ask and he didn’t need to give him anything, because all Yuri would've wanted was for him to say that he was always going to be there, even when the world would've turned its back on him, like it was actually happening, he would've been there for him.

And Yuri was alone, again. Bound to his silence, no one was going to listen to him. Again.

With the pain coming, on his body and on his mind, and as usual he knew he wasn’t going to go away until the next time he would've seen Kota.

Chinen was closed inside that vicious cycle and he didn’t know how to get out of it. He didn’t know if he wanted to.

He was going to go on, with too much pain to hold, lying to himself and saying that, after all, one can get used to anything.


End file.
